No tricks here. Just treating you to a few sweet, non cavity-inducing hello weenie sketches, while milking a terrible pun. Sidebar: I’ve never met a pun I didn’t like, but I find people who don’t like puns rather dodgy.

On that note, did you know that hot dogs consist of mushed-up lips ‘n sphincters clothed in a bun? A workmate once told me that, hoping it would stop me from eating them, as if grossness ever stopped adults and kids from not liking ANYTHING, especially things slathered with tomato sauce, chilli sauce and mustard. Hot dogs are perfect for munching at church fetes and school events since they’re cheap, easy/quick to prepare, relatively unmessy to eat on the go, and liked by all ages.

Don’t forget the hot dog’s cute cousin, the cocktail vienna, aka the chipolata, favoured finger food at most family gatherings when I was a child. It was my chosen job (as a conveniently small-handed and dextrous child) to skewer them onto teeny blocks of cheese, together with a miniature pickled onion. But it was only to have first dibs on the cheese.

The childish comments when someone eats a weenie is nothing compared to the X-rated shenanigans of the hot dog couple in the sausage party movie. You’ll never see foodstuffs in the same light, nvm not being able to grocery shop or peel vegetables like a normal person again.

So, say hello to one child-friendly wiener dog and a couple of less-than-wholesome weenies from yours truly. And if you’d like them as free wallpapers, do give me a shout …